Lost Opportunities ...

[jeshyr]

I'm watching a documentary about the IBM "Watson" computer that was on Jeopardy. It's a very good documentary, I think, and interesting to watch, but it's making me oh so very sad about all the things I haven't been able to do because I've been sick.

My undergraduate degree was in artificial intelligence, basically - double major in computer science and linguistics with a minor in philosophy. I very very much wanted to work on machine understanding of text, so this is exactly the sort of project I would have adored.

There are tons of things I've done that I wolud never have done if I'd been well, but lost opportunities still blindside me with the pain.

My friends have been having kids lately, too, and that's especially hard to deal with. Whenever the people around me achieve things in the general category of "major life goals" or "major life achievements" it hurts - when they graduated from University, when they all started buying houses, when they get great jobs and promotions, when they get married, when they have kids. I'm pleased for them of course, but sad for me too ... so many "what might have been"s.

Maudlin tonight - don't worry, I lowered my anti-depressant dose and it always makes me mood-swing-ish for a week or so. I know from experience that I'll feel better in the morning.

Love
r

Comments

[burnishedvictory]

*sends you hugs, if you'd like them*

[tcpip]

My undergraduate degree was in artificial intelligence, basically - double major in computer science and linguistics with a minor in philosophy.

Damn, what a great combination.

But the opportunities are not entirely lost. You've been journalling online since 1997 - and that has made a difference to all your readers.

[pauamma]

Damn, what a great combination.

Wot they said.

[sheramil]

> My friends have been increasing their carbon footprint lately, too, and that's especially hard to deal with.

i fixed your post for you.

[acelightning]

*hugs*

i haven't accomplished anything either, and i'm 65 :-(

*more hugs*

[kaberett]

[read. xx]

[jesse_the_k]

Ah, the "woulda been a star!" blues. I share them with you, although you would no doubt have been a better star than me. :(

I like to convince myself that all the thinking and planning and whatnot I would have spent has been distilled into the time I now have available (not bloody enough). So I moved from a 180 proof whisky to a delicious lemonade. That's not very reassuring.

I've been appreciating and learning from what you have done online since CFS-L, and I know many more feel the same.

[dragonreading]

I'm now having to cope with the "When siblings and friends become grandparents" and I tell you what, its almost worse than when it was coping with them all having kids. I guess its because it's even more life gone by me?
It truly sucks feeling this way but Ricky, you have achieved so much with what you've created on the net. The people you've helped, so very many of them.