I am struggling to stay positive and not dip into disappointment and, possibly, spiraling because I don't need that going into December. So many things I did, but not enough that I feel REALLY good about. I think it's the lack of REALLY which is bothering me.

The big sadness is that I've gained about 15 lbs, most of it in the past 2 months and that's difficult to swallow (har, har), so I am creeping up on being the largest I've ever been. And it makes exercising, running, even moving about at work (squeezing into spaces to put stuff up, turn clients, shave clients, clean, etc.) more difficult. I think that part of why I had an underwhelming showing at the 5k. I have signed up for the 12 days of fitness at the YMCA for December, so I am going to use that to keep me moving now that the race isn't ahead of me.

And I thought I was going to do Kinktober and Whumptober and the harsh truth is that I just don't have enough free time or mental bandwidth to go gangbusters like I have in the past. So I ended up doing 11 days of Whumptober and 13 days of Kinktober (but I deleted 3 of those yesterday because I am not going to continue with that plot). So, yeah, an effort, not nothing but not what I hoped or even expected and even less than what I had the energy for. It was just getting time to write and the *something* to sit down, not motivation exactly but the willpower (?). And I had to put my soap opera completely on the back burner to do that. I want to get back to that in January.

And Minor stealing my money. I still don't KNOW it was Minor. And we're just moving on. Like nothing happened and some moments I want to punch everybody in the face, including my kids.

And spending! Jesus Christ, the household budget is nowhere to be seen. And yeah some of it is inevitable and kids being expensive, but some of it is ME!

But I am learning to delegate things. For example, there was a task of sending an overseas package which involved Minor and my husband's relatives in Canada. The first time I handled it (taking time, effort, and expense out of my life). But this time, I forced them to handle it. And they did. It might not sound like a win to you but not handling everything myself is a good thing. And I am getting better about it.

The 5k wasn't underwhelming while I was doing it but when I looked back to the last two years, I was sad. Slow. I'm just slow. And fat. I really want to set a goal of running the whole thing next year. And I was toying with the idea of pickleball, but I am really trying to get myself not to be too ambitious and to be REALLY realistic about just how much free time I have. And not commit to things because quitting/bailing/doing a half job makes me super sad.

I got out the Xmas box and looked through stuff and ended up putting up the tree (it's a tiny tabletop with 2 strands of lights and a dozen small ornaments, so not a big deal, really), but still it's done. Check!

And I definitely feel like I'm switching to Xmas mode. Craft-wise, I am going into card-making mode.

Word Count: 18095 [I didn't subtract the deleted chapters but for the record, I only record things that are posted somewhere]

Ficcing: Kinktober, Whumptober, 5 for sweetandshort and just 1 for vocab_drabbles. But it's about to be Advent season!

Reading: 5 books, most of them audiobooks, ECR Lorac mysteries on this YT channel: https://www.youtube.com/@TheClue-j8j.

Crafting: My big win was getting my sister's gift done in time for her holiday party. I will post a photo of how the tree looked this week. So that was good.

I am giving up on the Hobonichi planner I had and going back to a simple bullet journal notebook (in the Hobonichi cover) for December. It was getting so unwieldy and I wasn't using it so it served me for many months and I learned about the perils and pleasures of combining collaging and functional planning. No decoration in the planner going forward. Keeping the collaging to its own space.

Health & Fitness: I did 16 days of Yoga with Adrienne. And I did cross the finish line of the 5k.

Personal: We did go to someone's house for dinner. That was a big deal. And I got my second client back so I am back to a regular work schedule, and I met a new client (my Indian lady) who I like very much.

I lost my water bottle but I have a back-up water bottle. I got a flat tire, but the boys' father came out to help. Lots of annoying life events but nothing catastrophic.

Anyway, I decided to do this. I can't decide if it's cringe for me to do it but if it helps going into the December with a positive attitude and a calmer feeling about life, probably a good thing. Right?

✨ holiday love meme 2025 ✨
my thread here