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The Old Usher
Oliver Reynolds
2010, from Hodge

--

for Farès Moussa

I have
shouted Lights! in the foyer as the show begins

I have
opened and closed a million doors
Push and Pull stamping my palms

I have
woken with Good Evening on my lips

I have
ROH in moles over my left nipple

I have
Tchaikovsky as a heart-beat

I have
told ten thousand bladders
It’s down the slope and on the right

I have
stood at the bottom of Floral Hall stairs
with Peter Bramley at the top
tapping the metal hand-rail with his ring
to annoy me

I have
bent my head to complaints about the row in front
the big hair-do, the change-jingler, those who snore or smell

I have
turned a blind eye, a deaf ear, and a stopped nostril

I have
opened and closed a million doors
Push and Pull stamping my palms

I have
waited in the wings to present flowers
cygnets wafting past me in a crush of tutus
each back tight with the cordage of muscle

I have
sold ices with Susie Boyle

I have
passed the black-and-white monitor at Stage Door
and felt proud to see Haitink in the pit
a bottled homunculus preserved in music

I have
opened my locker on a vista of dirty shirts

I have
killed a moth for Monica Mason
It wants to settle on me!
she who once danced her death in the Rite
now frightened of millimetres of flutter

I have
Tchaikovsky as a heart-beat

I have
bassoons and strings planned for my last-act death
the weightless pas-de-chat
lifting me out of this ninth life
into the proscenium’s eternal gold

I have
perfected my farewell
a final turning-out of the pockets
as I rise and vanish into air
swirling with the confetti of ticket-stubs

I have
shouted Lights! as the show begins

I have

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Care and Feeding,

I’m 19 and in university. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, “Jason.” He’d been acting weird for a few weeks, but when I ended things, he completely flipped out.

It escalated to the point where he slipped into my family’s home, stole our cat, “Flibble,” and tried to hold him for ransom. We did get Flibble back, and Jason is now facing charges. I just want to put this all behind me.

My parents, however, are furious. They keep telling me I should “have better judgment” and promise I’m going to get an earful this Thanksgiving about “choosing appropriate partners.” I get it, this got bad. But Jason wasn’t showing signs of being unhinged when we first started dating, and I did break up with him as soon as he started acting erratically. Still, my parents chew me out every time we talk and have started calling two or three times a week specifically to lecture me.

It’s driving me crazy. I don’t want to block them or cut them out of my life, but I also don’t want to deal with this anymore. What can I do to get them to lay off?

—Stepped In It

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Meghan: I have an 8-year-old daughter. She does not have a mother (my husband and I are both men). She doesn’t particularly like shopping for clothes, but she has a relative who keeps her very well stocked with jumpsuits, dresses and girly outfits of all kinds, which is the type of clothing she typically likes. In general, I let her decide for herself how to mix and match the various clothes she has each morning and will only step in if something is really inappropriate.

My mother, however, feels the need to criticize her clothing choices nearly every time she sees her. “Oh dear, you should never mix prints!” or “Why didn’t you wear a different shirt under that jumpsuit — it really doesn’t match at all!” My mother blames me for what she sees as my inability to teach a girl about girls’ fashion.

I told her that I had indeed talked about some of these rules, but I thought my daughter should also be able to make her own choices about how to dress. She then accused me of being a bad parent and suggested that I would also “give up” if faced with a child who stole or cheated on a test. Is it really so wrong to refuse to have a daily struggle because my daughter went to school with shorts that lightly clashed with her shirt?

— Grandma’s Criticisms

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Meghan: My sons (5 and 6 years old, both mildly autistic) tend to wake up in the morning and as fast as they can dive into my husband’s and my bed for cuddles. They seem to get a lot of sensory satisfaction and a lot of comfort from this ritual. Their preference would be to cuddle with me or both of us for about 15 minutes until they’re all the way awake, then run off and do their own thing. I don’t mind this at all — I enjoy it somewhat, and I find that (as primary caretaker) their days and thus mine go much smoother if they have this cuddle in bed to start the day.

The problem is that my husband says it ruins his day to have his kids in his bed at all.

I have tried to be a physical barrier between him and them — doesn’t work. I’ve tried to not let them in until he’s already up and showering — doesn’t work. I’ve tried to go to their beds and cuddle them there — doesn’t work. I’m out of ideas.

What should I do?

( Read more... )

mxcatmoon posting in

holiday_wishes

Holiday greetings to all!

I've been participating here off and on over the years. Happily, I've found the time and energy to join once again this year, and looking forward to the festivities. Here's my list, with a mix of free and cost items.

1. Dreamwidth points would be much appreciated, as my paid account is about to expire and I also have a yen for more icon slots.

2. Give something back to your community by helping someone in need this season, however you are able, whether it be with your time or financially.

3. As usual, comments/kudos are always a wonderful gift. I'm into a lot of older fandoms and a couple of newer ones, so feel free to check out my stuff at AO3. I also cross-post post my more recent fic to my Dreamwidth journal, and SquidgeWorld, although I'm not caught at on the latter yet. I love interaction on all my fic no matter how old it is, so don't worry if the fic is a decade old (or older), I will be thrilled.

4. Give a gift to yourself (doesn't have to be something that costs money). It's been a tough year for a lot of us, on a global level. Treat yourself, you deserve it! I'd love to hear about it, too, if you want to share.

5. My Amazon Wishlist. Just updated it. I've recently had a large, unexpected expense to deal with, so it's more difficult to pick up the little things I'd planned to that make my life a bit brighter, such as earbuds for listening to music. If you want to buy from a different source, DM me and I'll provide my address. Also note, I think the clothing sizes change to a default when added to the list, so see the notes for correct sizing.

6. Advice/tips on how to make better quality screencaps (if possible). I just have a basic computer set-up, with the Snipping Tool. I was wondering what, if anything, makes a difference. I tend to only snip the area of the frame I want rather than the whole frame. Should I make them all the same size in editing? I tend to just freestyle everything on my whims.

7. Copies of (computer docs or hard copies), or links to Miami Vice fanfic featuring the Sonny/Rico ship. I'm so in love with these two right now, and back when it was a current fandom, everything was Crockett/Castillo, so there was a dearth of Crockett/Tubbs fic, even then. I never could find more than a couple. Nowadays it's a more popular ship, but it's such a small fandom that there isn't much fanfic, period. You can DM me if you have any photocopies you'd be willing to send, and I will provide my address.

8. With the previous wish in mind, I would be thrilled with some new Sony/Rico fic to read if you'd like to gift me with one. I'm almost through with the meager offerings at AO3.

9. Give Miami Vice (1984) a watch. It's currently streaming free on the Universal Action channel on Pluto (or anyplace that has the UA channel) with a daily marathon from around 12:30 to 7:30 ish (exact time varies slightly). I recently posted a "Pimp my Fandom" post at Smallfandomfest, if you want to see what the attraction is. There may be more to the show than you think/remember.

zenigotchas posting in

holiday_wishes

Henlo

holiday_wishes I am your guest zenigotchas and this is my 2nd time doing this. Last year was nice and I was v grateful. I hope to fulfill other people's wishes as well.

1. We all have someone in our life who is willing to give us everything without even being asked. They're also the same people who are seen as independent and not needing any support themselves. But they're human too, and everyone deserves appreciation. Please find a way to let them be the reciever rather than the giver.

2. Be nice to pigeons!!!! There are going to be flocks of feral pigeons this winter (as there always are) and sadly most pigeons have to rely on consuming garbage to get by. Here is a nice guide on how to feed them and watering them is as easy as leaving out a heated dog bowl.

3. Do something for the present and very violent crimes against humanity happening right now. Maybe that's retweeting something so a surviving family can get one more daily meal, or it's donating your life savings to a charity that rehabs casualties. ANY action is better than NO action so PLEASE do that!!!!

4. I need a new blender for smoothies (my old one broke) and I want a slow cooker (but I'm not asking anyone to buy me both at the same time).

5. Please reccomend me interesting journals to follow that do art and/or comics. I can ALWAYS do with more creative people on my feed. I don't really worry abt matching fandoms and it doesn't need to be fandom related as I'm not the most fandom-y turbonerd out there... I just like art.

6. Please reccomend me some simple but good, healthy and high protein/calorie meals anyone can do (the less tools needed the better).

7. Um, I made a strawpage (very much a wip) and I'd like it if people sent me drawings there bc I'll draw something back.

8. Uno reverse card: I want to draw things for people bc I want to stop being afraid of sharing my art. Art trades sound fun (here's my general catch-all art tag if you wanna see what I do)

...Can you tell that my gift preferences are either (shared) experiences or practical things.

(mods please let me know if these last 2 wishes go against any rules)

Thanks and I hope whatever you celebrate goes well!

petra

I'm postulating the necro/cav AUs again, so I still might throw that AU fest, Locked Tomb fans. There's no release date on Alecto as of this writing, so that's not a useful target. But if instead I aimed for a y'all-come-create fest to release on May Day, as the opposite cross-quarter day from Halloween, that might work.

Postulate with me! Anyone who has a clever idea for a fest name is welcome, or a pair they want to see do this dance, or anything.

*

You know it's a good day when you get to use the phrase, "L'Engle-accurate cherubim."

Angels, shmangels -- I want Progo with ~~blue hair and~~ pronouns.

Current Mood: deepening

oursin

This week's bread: the Collister/Blake My Favourite Loaf, strong white/wholemeal/wholemeal spelt, splosh of pumpkin seed oil, nice.

Friday night supper: ven pongal (South Indian khichchari). cashew perhaps a bit burnt, still pretty good.

Saturday breakfast rolls: basic buttermilk, 3:1 strong white/mix of coarse and fine cornmeal, turned out v well.

Today's lunch: salmon fillets baked in foil with slices of lime, butter, dill and salt and pepper, served with La Ratte potatoes roasted in goose fat, Boston beans roasted in walnut oil with fennel seeds and splashed with gooseberry vinegar, and steamed asparagus with melted butter.

rodo posting in

holiday_wishes

Hi, I’m

rodo. I hope you’re having a lovely holiday season thus far (and going forward).

Now for my wishes. If you need my address, please PM me. (If you’ve sent me cards in the past and still have the address: it’s still the same.)

No Cost:

► Comments on any of my fics. My AO3 account is

Rodo. I’m mostly into small fandoms these days, and I’ve written for a lot of them.
► Comment on any fic you liked but haven’t commented on. Make someone happy, even if it isn’t me.
► Be a beta for one of my fics. When I write for myself rather than for an exchange, I prefer to only post after I get a story betaed, which is really difficult for someone into small fandoms these days. If you’re interested in helping me out: with one notable exception, most of the stories are rather short, so if you’re intimidated by longfic, don’t worry, I’m not asking for a lot of committent. A list with more details can by found on my DW. Fandoms: Andor (written pre-season 2, set pre-season 1), Banshee, Carnival Row, The King’s Affection, Mass Effect: Andromeda, Moving (k-drama), Warrior (TV 2019) (and Babylon Berlin in German)
► Fic for any of my dear writer letters from the past year. The letters can be found here. (Fandoms: Le Bazar de la Charité, Cat’s Eyes (2024), Carnival Row, Gran Hotel, House of Ninjas, Moving, Snowdrop, Tempest, Zorro (2024)
► Transformative works for my works. Whether it be fanart, podfic, translations or something I’m not thinking of right now.
► DW Theme and Style Guide for Dummies. Okay, it doesn’t need to be for total dummies. I can deal with a comprehensive documentation and a tutorial as well. Mostly, I just need a guide for relative beginners that I can use as a starting point. I know JavaScript and CSS, but what I’ve found so far via DW itself I haven’t been able to figure out, and I’d like to really customize my journal.

Cost:

► A donation to your local foodbank.
► Dreamwidth paid time.
► Holiday cards/letters. I have no preferences as to what holiday/religion or how it looks, whether you just send a card or a letter. Since my birthday is on the 30^th of December, birthday cards are also welcome, same as New Year’s cards.

oglaf_comic_feed

https://www.oglaf.com/november/

princessofgeeks

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has marked as possibly inappropriate for anyone under the age of 18. )

Current Mood: tired

oursin

Happy birthday,

carenejeans!

fred_mouse posting in

unclutter

How goes the decluttering? Have you shifted anything out of the house? Found something to sort through? Had thoughts on things you can let go of?

Comments open to locals, lurkers, drive by sticky beaks, and anyone I've forgotten to mention.

Congratulations to everyone who has found and/or disposed on any clutter in the last week!

mific posting in

fanart_recs

Fandom: Tolkien: Lord of the Rings
Characters/Pairing/Other Subject: Legolas, and Gimli
Content Notes/Warnings: none
Medium: traditional art, pencil drawing
Artist on DW/LJ: n/a
Artist Website/Gallery: Turner Mohan on DA
Why this piece is awesome: This is a companion to my last, more upbeat post of the friends sailing to the Grey Havens, done in a quirky, somewhat medieval style. In contrast, this is beautiful traditional art, and heartrending. Gimli is very old, and even Legolas shows his years as he helps Gimli aboard. An extraordinary piece.
Link: An attributed repost on tumblr: Legolas and Gimli Depart. Read the note on the tumblr post - it's wonderful. And here on the artist's DA.

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

1. When I say goodbye to my mother-in-law, she frequently traps me in extended hugs. They often last longer than 15 seconds! During these hugs, she rattles off compliments that are probably well-meaning, but which I take as insults: She’s grateful that I’m a good cook for my husband, for instance, and that I keep our house so clean. My husband and I are both working professionals. We split the housework evenly, and I’m proud of that. My husband says that his mother’s comments are just her way of trying to connect with me. But is there a way to dodge her hugs? That’s when the so-called compliments begin.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

( Read more... )

****

2. Dear Carolyn: We are a very small family — just me, my older sister and my parents. Five years ago, my sister married into a very large family, and her in-laws host all the holidays. We’re always invited, but it’s never any fun for us. There are 20 of them together, talking and laughing, and me and my parents in the corner by ourselves.

I’ve honestly tried to join in, but they’re always talking among themselves about people I don’t know. I ask them about their lives, and they go on and on, but when it’s time for me to talk, I get either cut off or ignored. They try to be nice, but after the third or fourth attempt to answer a question, you can tell they don’t care about the answer.

So I’ve decided I’m not going for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. On Thanksgiving, some of my friends are meeting up for a hike in the morning, and then there’s a pub crawl later in the evening, and that’s enough holiday for me. I can order a pizza for dinner. For Christmas, I plan to have breakfast with my parents, open gifts and then kick back for the rest of the day while they go off to my sister’s in-laws’ house.

Even though my parents agree about the in-laws, they are telling me to suck it up and go for their sake. They and my sister are really upset with me, saying I’m going to ruin their holidays, hurt my brother-in-law’s feelings and not see my niece. I say there will be so many people around that my brother-in-law and niece won’t miss me, and I’ll see them both on Black Friday and then again on Christmas Eve, so it’s not like I’m missing out entirely.

Am I being selfish like they say? Don’t I have a right to enjoy my holidays, or do I have to suffer in silence?
— Anonymous

( Read more... )

*************

3. Dear Annie: My son got married about eight months ago, and while I truly do love his new wife, I admit I'm scratching my head over a few things. Maybe it's the times changing, or maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but it feels like I got a fourth child instead of a daughter-in-law.

When they come over for dinner, I do what I've always done: make a nice meal, fix everyone a plate and pass the rolls. I'll serve my husband, my boys and even the dog if he looks hungry enough. But my new daughter-in-law? She piles food on her own plate, sits down and tells my son to get it himself. My jaw nearly hit the mashed potatoes. He works all day to provide for her, and the least she could do is hand him a pork chop! Instead, I find myself jumping up to fix his plate while she's scrolling through her phone.

And the laundry, don't even get me started. Because they don't have a washer and dryer, she brings her clothes over, and somehow, I end up doing them. It's like my son got married, and I gained another load of towels.

Should I speak up, or just keep folding her laundry and praying she buys a washing machine? -- Lost For Words in Georgia

( Read more... )

**********

4. Dear Annie: Hoping you can offer some advice! My son has been married for six years to a beautiful girl who rarely speaks to us and acts as though we don't exist. Her distance has gotten much worse over time, and we have no idea why. We love her and are just as kind to her as we are to our other kids and their wives. My husband and I are so sad. This has broken our hearts.

We haven't said anything because we don't want to upset our son, but lately even he appears unhappy with her attitude toward us. When we've referred to her as our daughter -- as we do our other daughter-in-law, who loves the title -- she'll say, "No, thank you. I already have a mom and dad." We've always felt as parents ourselves that you can NEVER have too many people to love your child, so we were quite hurt by that.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. She's so cold and distant toward us that even our friends and family have noticed and commented. We are good people, we stay out of our kids' business and we keep our opinions to ourselves. Our motto is, "If you want our thoughts, you'll have to ask for them." We don't meddle or cause waves ever, yet she continues to find ways to fault us for things. It's completely unsubstantiated, but it persists!

It's to the point I have so much anxiety that I've considered seeking out a therapist. This DIL is so unapproachable, so to avoid conflict, we just sweep EVERYTHING under the rug to avoid causing our sweet son any grief.

Please let us know if you have any advice. Our hearts are broken! -- Boy Momma

( Read more... )

mific posting in

fancake

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters/Pairings: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay, Evan Lorne, Radek Zelenka, Laura Cadman
Rating: Teen
Length: 7984
Content Notes: no AO3 warnings apply
Creator Links: Brumeier on AO3
Themes: Mystery and suspense, Psychic powers, Friends to lovers, Complete AU: law enforcement

Summary: Rodney had thought the worst part of his day was coming home from the office and finding a dead man in his living room. He was wrong. But the investigation brought him and John together, and that's when things really got interesting.

Reccer's Notes: This is an engaging story in which Rodney's the head of his own tech company and John's a psychic with clairvoyance and precognitition who works with Lorne, a detective. They get called in when Rodney finds a dead stranger in his apartment, leading to an investigation. The story revolves around Rodney's reactions to John's abilities (mistrust gradually changing to fascination), all while being attracted to him. John is troubled, mostly seeing death and being able to locate killers, after being traumatised by his mother's death. Until he meets Rodney! :D It's romantic, with an interesting plot - an excellent read.

Fanwork Links: Born Under a Bad Sign

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

My mother-in-law is always on a diet. Her house also happens to be where the family gathers monthly for meals. Lately, she has been serving lighter fare and no dessert so that she can eat more healthfully. We are fine with the lighter meals, but when we pushed back on dessert, she got upset and said we weren’t being supportive of her. These meals represent a tiny fraction of what she eats in a year, and I am frustrated that I have to compromise on dessert. (It doesn’t help that her diets are usually fads and not based in science.) Advice?

( Read more... )

mkrobinson posting in

holiday_wishes

Happy Holidays everyone! This is my...I have no idea year taking part in Holiday Wishes and I am glad to see that the community is back again. It always fills me with such joy to participate in this annually.

1) The obligatory amazon wishlist. Getting this out of the way first: mostly consists of wants. If I add anything that's a need I will note that but it's mainly my 'ooh shiny' depository for the season. No obligation to get me anything: for media, used is of course fine. That should work (and be set to ship to me), please let me know if it doesn't.

2) Gift cards to Target (I know), Barnes & Noble, & Shaws (albertsons) supermarkets. I am limited to where I can shop due to transportation issues, I try not to shop at Target but it is near where I work and does stock essentials.

3) Donate to your local animal shelter/pet rescue

4) Comments & kudos on my fics found at my ao3 HERE. Main fandoms include: Baby Sitters Club, Glee, Riverdale, British Royalty RPF, Everybody Loves Raymond, Sweet Valley, and Friends, but I do have over 1K fics on there so I am certain I've dabbled in something for everyone.

5) Fanworks based on my fics found at my ao3 at the above link.

6) Sweet Valley books & related items (I am willing to cover shipping+ am willing to pay per book up to a certain amount) in any of the varying series.

7) Baby Sitters Club books & related items (I willing to cover shipping+ am willing to pay per book up to a certain amount) in any of the varying series.

8) European (any, but especially British) royalty memorabilia that predates the death of Queen Elizabeth II (or is inclusive of her death, mainly, I am uninterested in UK royalty in the present day; current memorabilia is fine for the other European royal households)

9) Prompts from any of the fandoms/pairings listed HERE.

10) Fics from any of the fandoms/pairings listed HERE.

Thank you again for your consideration! I look forward to giving and receiving this season. My address is available on request: you can either DM me or comment on the top entry of my DW or email me at mariakellyrobinson AT gmail DOT com. Merry Christmas!

hannah

This afternoon, out on the subway, someone complained about an unpleasant smell. I looked them in the eye and didn't say anything, letting my mask do the talking. There's so many reasons to keep them on in enclosed spaces, especially enclosed spaces where people take off their shoes, and I don't see a reason to go back to breathing unfiltered subway air.

It's looking to be a family hike this Thursday, and I still don't know how to feel about it.

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Green Day

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend is still in regular contact with his ex-girlfriend. He is her confidant, and she admits she still loves him. He keeps her posted on our relationship, which is rocky because I am jealous of their relationship. I am not allowed to set any boundaries about this.

I want to ask him to stop being her confidant and to stop telling her about our relationship. They can remain friends, just not with such intimate conversations. He absolutely refuses any boundaries because “I am not going to let you pick my friends.”

Should I just exit this situation? For context, he and I are on and off because of this, and he usually dates her again when we are off.

— Jealous

( Read more... )

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Ricky Buchanan

Not Done Living!

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Network

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"The Old Usher," by Oliver Reynolds

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

Happy Holidays and May 2026 Be Brigher!

Happy Holidays!

Locked Tomb AUs & A Wind in the Door

Culinary

Rodo's Wishes

November

Adventures in bureaucracy

(no subject)

Weekly (ish) check in

Legolas and Gimli Depart by Turner Mohan (SFW)

Inlaws....

SGA: Born Under a Bad Sign by Brumeier

(no subject)

Holiday Wishes 2025

Masking.

(no subject)

Profile